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6th-Apr-2013 02:58 am(no subject)
screw u
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Just had a fantastic (although exhausting) day completely ruined by a shit-tastic, thoughtless action.

I wish I weren't so easily shaken.
16th-Nov-2012 01:15 am(no subject)
screw u
Do you (or anyone you know) maintain a blog dedicated to exposing another person for their complete and total lack of sense or ability?

I am so tempted to do this.  An old high school friend posts the most unintelligible shit on FB.  It honestly takes me 10 minutes just to figure out what he's trying to say.  I would never expose his name or any identifying information.  I'm just looking for people to commiserate with.  LOL

This is the site that I got the idea from:  It's honestly just as cringeworthy.
18th-Sep-2012 06:27 am - Again...
screw u

And now I'm crying at an old episode of "Bones" where a young girl finds her biological parents after 13 years. 


I need help.



20th-Jul-2012 12:43 am - Full Disclosure
screw u
What am I doing?
7th-May-2012 12:27 am(no subject)
screw u
This weekend has been crazy.  I'm not even sure how to explain it.  I burnt myself a little out by the pool earlier today, so I'm gonna just go get in bed.  LOL
11th-Apr-2012 01:14 pm - Wedding day.
it's in that place
So...  it came and went. 

I am grateful to Paul because a few weeks ago (when I had gotten yet another email from, reminding me that my wedding was in 24 days) I mentioned that I really wanted to be kept busy, no matter what it was, on that day.  Thankfully, it also happened to be Easter and I love Paul's family so it wasn't hard to just enjoy the company.  The day before, we spent a few hours at a conference for one of the major insurance companies that his company works for.  Anyone need an excuses to go to Vegas?  It's a little more expensive than I'd like, but hey...

Anyway, I spent a while trying to figure out why I was feeling so disappointed.  Not sad, not wishing that it was my wedding day - just disappointed.  Disappointed that I failed again.  I really don't blame myself for my marriage falling apart, nor my relationship with Adam, but I do blame myself for being blind enough to believe that either of them could really have ever been what I needed.  I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I grew up always re-examining things with the idea, "What could I have done differently?"  I don't beat myself up over it, but I definitely think about it.

Paul's mom likes to make a lot of jokes about marriage and kids.  It is funny but there's a small voice in the back of my head that says, "Should I really try it again?"  I definitely enjoy my relationship with Paul and we make a pretty good team.  I guess we will see what happens.
16th-Feb-2012 04:30 pm - Writer's Block: Got the Munchies
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What is your favorite late-night snack?
Cheez-Its.  Hands down. 
screw u
When I was a kid, our answering machine was my mom singing:

"We're not home,
so leave a message at the tone.
We'll call you back whenever we
get home!
What is your answering machine away message? If you don't have one, you can make it up!
Don't forget to wait for the...

I loved it.  I used to call my house just so people could hear it.

Then years later, we did a family version, where we all sang it. 

27th-Dec-2011 04:05 am - Writer's Block: Fantastic plastic
screw u
Would you consider having plastic surgery?
I almost did years ago.  My mother was considering having her left breast reconstructed (she was coming up on her 20 year anniversary of remission) and I was going to get a reduction.  She wanted to do it at the same time and I thought that was great.  The only reason that we ended up not doing it was because she was physically unable to go through the type of surgery that she wanted.  There are a few reconstruction surgeries and the one that she wanted was just not an option, due to her tendency to bleed a lot any time she's cut open and her various medication allergies.  I chose not to go through with it without my mommy.  <3
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"She's classic battered wife, and things won't ever get better despite
how much she will attempt to plan and control, because he's just going
to keep shifting the goal posts and changing the rules on her."

Hello, creepily accurate description of my marriage.

I have so much to think about.
16th-Oct-2011 10:56 am - Writer's Block: What a wonderful word
screw u
What is your favorite word, and why?
I have a lot:

rifle (even though I don't like guns)

That's all I can think of at the moment.  I might come back and add to it.  :)
27th-Aug-2011 10:50 pm(no subject)
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Anxiety level through the roof. Awesome.
24th-Aug-2011 09:45 pm(no subject)
I have got to get out of this house. I have a feeling that's part of the reason why I am sick so much lately. I mean, not that my life isn't just a jump from one medical issue to another, but not sleeping, not eating, not living... my head is in a fog.
13th-Jun-2011 08:38 pm - Interesting...
don&#39;t give a fuck

So, aislincalum, your LiveJournal reveals…

You are… 0% unique, 4% peculiar, 17% interesting, 44% normal and 35% herdlike (partly because you, like everyone else, enjoy tori amos). When it comes to friends you are popular. In terms of the way you relate to people, you are keen to please. Your writing style (based on a recent public entry) is conventional.

Your overall weirdness is: 11

(The average level of weirdness is: 28.
You are weirder than 20% of other LJers.)

Find out what your weirdness level is!

screw u
Do you like your birth name? If you had the opportunity to change it, would you? What new name would you choose?

I certainly do.  I wouldn't change it.  I have only met a handful of people with my name, which I prefer over something more common.

When I was very young, I desperately wanted to change my name to Stephanie or Melissa. LOL  Silly me.

3rd-Jun-2010 07:17 pm - Writer's Block: TMI
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If you had the opportunity to know everything about the person you love, would you take it? Or would you avoid the possibility of getting hurt?

I feel like this could be dangerous.  

23rd-May-2010 10:02 pm - Strange Dream
it&#39;s in that place
i saw my original birth certificate.  Not the one that has my mom and dad's names' on it.  The one that had my biological parents' names on it.  I couldn't read them clearly, but I remember wanting to.

2nd-Mar-2010 08:03 pm - Bye Bye Bye!
screw u
It's over!!  The roommate drama is finally over!  YAY!!!!!!

I sent my landlord an email to let him know that I would be moving out by the 15th.  I haven't received a response, but that's a-ok by me.  

April just figured it out too.  I think she heard me putting the packing tape on the boxes in my room and got nosy.  I could hear her milling around outside my room in the hallway.  She took my rent check into her room, as well, which means that she obviously saw that I am only paying half of my normal amount this month.  I don't really feel the need to discuss this with her but if she wants to ask me about it, I will be honest with her.  I have to laugh though, because when I got home, I opened the garage door and I could see her standing in front of the washer with the garage light on.  By the time I walked up, she was gone, light off, and her bedroom door was closed.  So she clearly does not want to talk to me.  She avoids me like the plague, which I am fine with, but I am just hearing her voice in my head from when Irma moved out: "She didn't even tell me!"

Anyway...  I'm just so glad this is all over and I get to move on to a better portion of life. 

Adam is starting to sound a lot less apprehensive about the whole moving thing.  He's also transferring to the San Jose location so he won't have to commute, which will save us a TON of money.

Just had to share the good news...  back to the Sharks game!  GOOOO SHARKS!
1st-Nov-2009 10:06 pm(no subject)
screw u
A lovely cashier at Ikea today: Jimnieshia.

That has to be one of the most bizarre names I've seen in a long while.

Posted via

11th-Oct-2009 09:59 pm(no subject)
screw u
If I EVER get my hands on the person that totalled my mom's car, hitting her on BOTH sides (now that's fucking talent, right?) going 100+ miles an hour and then taking the fuck off, that will be their last day on this planet. 

Dear Whoever The Hell Is Up There Watching Us - Please stop trying to kill my mother.  I cannot handle that.
26th-Jul-2009 07:21 pm - Fair Warning
screw u

I have a rant about my brother that is brewing. It will be long. I am very pissed off. Just letting it formulate in my head for the time being, but it's coming.


Posted via

23rd-Jul-2009 07:06 pm - Steroid shots today.


I'm going to bed.

15th-Jul-2009 12:49 pm - Uh, what?
screw u

So after getting another random text about something lame and inconsequential from April today, I asked her why the hell there is all that shit all over the living room, piled in the dining room and along the hallway. This was her response:

"its my friends. he's moving and didnt have enough room in his storage"

Umm, what?! So you decided to stick it all in OUR house?! WTF?! Arrrrrgh.

Posted via

12th-Jul-2009 09:20 pm - My Mother, My Friend
screw u
There's something about being able to spend an entire day with my mom that makes life so lovely. 

Friday morning, my mom emailed me to tell me that she had "taken the signs from the universe" and signed the papers to put her house on the market.  It was funny to me because this sounds like something that I would say.  My mom is usually a lot more...  cerebral about things.  She has been so desperate for change.  Adam and I have been helping her clean and organize and pack and purge, but she just hadn't quite gotten around the signing the papers for the sale of her house yet.  The gears are moving and things are definitely on their way.  She even signed her email, "Soon to be homeless (hopefully!)".  LOL

Yesterday, my mom and I spent the entire day driving around the entire Bay Area looking at houses, apartments, lofts, etc.  I have already decided on which one she should move into but she is still indecisive, of course.  I am trying to tell her that the house in Montclair (it is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!) that has all utilities and landscaper included, an enclosed yard for my Old Man Doggy, and is far up enough in the hills that she is away from the freeway and secluded that she feels safe enough to walk around with Max at night on her own, but isn't too far away from Montclair's downtown area, where her favorite sushi restaurant is.  I talked her into going back today to drive around, maybe walk from the house to the Safeway, and check out the neighborhood a little more.  She keeps fighting me because she really likes this other place, where she would be renting the upstairs of a home, but the stairs are brutal and would be HORRIBLE for my Old Man Doggy (not to mention it took me almost 5 minutes to get up them myself!)  The architecture is lovely and the entire place has been repainted, appliances replaced, etc., but I am positive that my mom would be MUCH happier in a place where she is entirely self-contained and wouldn't have to walk through someone else's front yard to get to "her" part of the house.  I guess we'll see.

We had dinner very late at an amazing sushi restaurant.  We ordered the all-you-can-eat sashimi and sushi.  We ate SO much.  4 appetizers, miso soup, some edamame, grilled salmon that was still on the bone, two whole boats of sashimi, a couple of rolls and three desserts!  LOL!  We were so full but so happy!  :)

Hopefully my brother comes back from his pay-to-play gig early and packs up the crap in his room or Bekins is going to do it and he is not going to be a happy camper.  I will attempt to be positive about the ordeal, but.....

Oh, and for those of you that wanted to see what I came home to yesterday (re: my Facebook status) these are the pictures that I sent to Adam:

The DisasterCollapse )

31st-May-2009 07:01 pm(no subject)
screw u
Adam took my glasses instead of his own when he left this morning, so I had to figure out what the hell I could do with my day that did not involve seeing anything more than 2 feet in front of my face.  I have spent the last couple of hours ripping most of my CDs from my cases that I've been lugging around for years onto my external hard drive.  That way, I don't have to carry giant cases of CDs, freak the fuck out when I can't find one of the cases, or worry about how I'm going to replace my random demo CDs of bands I love.  Yay!

I will have my glasses back in a few hours, but I feel like I've been at least semi-productive today.  LOL
1st-Apr-2009 05:35 pm(no subject)
screw u

After almost two months of my knee hurting worse than it has in two years, I finally gave in and went to the doctor.  Mandy basically told me that if I didn't go, she was going to kidnap me and drive me there herself.  So I went.  The doctor doesn't know what's wrong with my knee, but has ordered that I have x-rays and an MRI done.  She gave me this fantastic drug called Relafen, which is an anti-inflammatory and a painkiller.  Last night, I slept through the entire night.  First time in ... I don't even remember how long!  It was great!  It definitely makes me drowsy, so I didn't take it again today while I was at work, but it seems like I'm definitely on a decent pathway to figuring out WTF is wrong with my knees.  I'm 25, damnit...  I should be able to get out of my car, walk up a flight of stairs, or stand up out of a chair and not want to scream.  Ugh.

I'm currently sitting on the floor in my new room.  I no longer live in the horrendously yellow room.  YAY!  I'm waiting for Adam and Spazz to get here so they can move my bed.  I moved everything else myself, but there is no effing way that I will be able to steady myself long enough to help move that giant thing.  Ain't gonna happen, boys.  Spazz offered to come over and help me earlier today when I found out that my new roommate, who is moving into the horrendously yellow room, will be moving in tomorrow.  I am not happy about this.  April told me that I would have until at least Friday to move my things from one room to the other, since I work at least an hour or so overtime every day.  I managed to get it all done today after finding out that the new roommate will be here tomorrow, but I am still highly annoyed.  Should I be?  Am I out of line here?  I haven't even met this person.  I have no idea if they're even human, let alone male or female, intelligent or backroad hillbilly...  I'm screwed, aren't I? 

I am starving and all I want lately is Iguana's Burritozilla.  Damn Tim for getting me addicted to that place.

25th-Jan-2009 01:27 pm - Quick post:
My friends are fabulous.  Last night was wonderful and hilarious.  The crazy dancing, the boys doing silly karate moves, and truly everyone having a great time.  Unfortunately, we are going to have to start reconsidering our usual hangouts.  Our night was cut short pretty abruptly by a fight breaking out inside and table next to us being turned over, causing a drink or two to come flying our way, dousing Megan and both Red and I got hit in the eye with something.  Not entirely sure what.  So last week, someone gets shot, this week, we leave because The Brit, of all places, had some crazy violence going on inside. 

Second note: This Topamax is quickly becoming the bane of my existence.  I slept through most of yesterday, with the exception of getting up to go get my hair done early in the morning and to go out with my peeps at night.  I probably would have slept straight through if Adam hadn't been here making all kinds of racket and eating and watching TV.  And the doctor wants me to double my dosage?!  I might go into a coma!  I haven't taken it today because I have work to do and we are supposed to go down to Players Ink to get my nose pierced.  :)

So yeah: I love my friends and Topamax is the devil.  The end.
22nd-Jan-2009 07:26 pm(no subject)
screw u

Today I started wondering how I come off to people. 

The other day, Spazz and I were chatting about my plans for later that night or week...or something.  He asked me about what Adam was doing and I said I wasn't entirely sure, but most likely working.  He questioned whether or not that bothered me.  When I told him that it didn't, I'm a fairly independent person and while I do enjoy the time I get to spend with Adam, I don't NEED to be with him at all possible times, he said - in that over-the-top-ridiculous-sarcastic-asshole-way that only Spazz can, "YOU!?  YOU are INDEPENDENT!?  WHAAAAAT!?!  I NEVER would have guessed in a million years!  I am SHOCKED!"  Jerk.

Anyone that knows me knows how I feel about inconsiderate men that date my friends.  I tend to feel...  negatively toward them.  Okay, fine, homicidal.  And everyone knows that stems from my being married to one of those inconsiderate (boy, what an understatement!) men.  I can deal with the occasional complaint, but when childish, selfish, asshole, ignorant behavior becomes a trend, I get angry.  I persisted through a relationship where I never knew what he was going to be like when I got home.  Was he going to hand me a drink or throw a plate at me?  Was he going to hug me or bombard me at the door with shouting?  Was he going to have dinner ready or would he even be there at all that night?  I was a nervous wreck whenever he was around and eventually, even when I knew I was going to have to be around him.  That's not a proper way to live.

I don't hate men.  Only the crappy ones that think the world revolves around them.  But I hate chicks like that too.  So maybe I just hate selfish people?  I'm generally not concerned with how other perceive me, but I do hope I don't come off as some man-hating, "I don't need no man; I do what I want!" bitch.

I don't even know where I was going with this.  Move along!

11th-Dec-2008 06:05 pm(no subject)

I had a customer cancel an order with us today.  The reason?

It was a Placer County request so I was going to have to send it on to the Rancho Cordova office to be completed.

Which means that it would not be ME searching it.

They don't want anyone but ME searching for them.


Either they're nuttier than I thought or I've been spoiling my customers more than I thought.

6th-Dec-2008 01:40 pm - Writer's Block: Legends of Rock
screw u
There are a few concerts that go down in musical history—Altamont, Woodstock, Live Aid, the Hannah Montana Best of Both Worlds tour—as legendary experiences. What live show stands as legend in your own experience?
Excuse me?!  Hold the bus, people.


I would like to hear a reasonable explanation for this ridiculous question.

I'm waiting...


Yeah, that's what I thought.
20th-Oct-2008 07:21 pm - Nicole, this is mostly for you.
screw u

First with the cute:

Then the OMGfunny:

Run your mouse over the whole page and click everything.  My mom and I were in hysterics for 20 minutes over this.

16th-Oct-2008 01:07 pm(no subject)
screw u
There is something about waking up to your head being slammed against the wall that is not so enjoyable.

I love Adam but he is a pain in the ass to sleep next to.

Apparently he just wasn't close enough and HAD TO BE CLOSER. Nevermind the fact that he was already sleeping in the middle of the bed and I was smashed against the wall. Nope, no mind to that fact whatsoever, people.

He's lucky I don't have a welt on my forehead, but you better believe I will tie him to his side of the bed in his sleep from now on.

Love is beautiful, ain't it? :D
8th-Sep-2008 08:48 pm - Life is beautiful.
screw u
I keep forgetting that. It's so easy to get lost in the negative, stressful, and dramatic.

I am so lucky to have the freedom to be myself, share love and be open to new experiences.

You never know how lovely that is until you re-discover it.

Sharing a love with my fantastic best friend, whose gorgeous, perfect child has created her own little space in my heart has brightened my life in ways only this baby and her mother could.  We've been through so much together and I know that this is just one more step on the path to our future.

Living my life with a supportive partner who encourages me to be just and wholly that; me.  He recognizes the small things that make me smile and does them without question or hesiation, simply because it will make me smile.  I thank whatever possible higher power there may be that he has been gifted to me, seemingly for nothing in return.  I haven't given up anything for the pleasure of having him in my life.

My home (although rented) is wonderful. Being so close to a beautiful person that brings a special light to my life is amazing. And she only lives on the other side of my wall. How fortunate am I?!  I know that when I come home, I will always have a bright, shining face to laugh with or cry with, whatever is necessary that day. 

Sure, I don't live my Dream Life, but I choose to make the best of what I have and remember that I have so many wonderful people around me, who all bring various benefits that only they could.  It's a matter of remembering that I am never alone and I can only hope they cherish my presence in their life, too.

I love my life, my family and friends.
26th-Jun-2008 01:35 pm - Deedle's Questions
screw u
1) If you can change one event in your life what would it be and why?
Anything?  I generally don't regret things because I honestly believe that everything I've been through has brought me to where I am right now.  And even when my life isn’t the greatest, I still appreciate what I do have.  That said, I think I would probably change the exact moment that I first allowed Anthony to manipulate me.  To be totally honest, I’m not even entirely sure when that moment is, but I would have put my foot down way earlier in our relationship.  It definitely set the bar for how he treated me later in our relationship and marriage.

2) What's one of your favorite memories of all us gurlies together?
Probably that night at the Oakwoods…  Naked Boy, Nicole’s ass being plunged, and the door being broken.  Tuxedo shoes!!!

3) How has ur current relationship with Adam changed you?
Simply?  I’m not afraid anymore.  I was afraid to be honest about what I wanted/needed/thought, because I knew that I would be berated and called stupid.  I was afraid to attempt new things, because I knew that I would never have the support that I needed.  I was afraid to be myself, because I knew that it wasn’t ever going to be good enough.  And for a very long time, I was afraid that I would never be able to leave.  I was terrified to have children with him, or even think about what the future could hold.

With Adam, he encourages me to be myself.  He never ridicules me and wouldn’t dream of ever calling me names.  He says it’s because I would beat him up, but he just doesn’t have the capacity for it.  He hasn’t ever raised his voice, manipulated me to get what he wanted, or done anything that’s made me reconsider my choice to be with him.  I could say or do the dumbest thing ever and he'd probably pretend like he didn't hear/see it and move on. It’s very nice to finally be comfortable with myself, my relationship and whatever the future may bring.

4) What's ur all time favorite album?
I have to pick just one!?  Eric Clapton’s Slowhand.  I could listen to that all day for a year.

5) If money were no option where would you go and why?
I would go to Paris and stay in the apartment that my mother and my aunt lived in when they were 17.  Second choice would be to go back to the Four Seasons Resort in Punta Mita, Mexico.  That was truly one of the most amazing weeks of my life.
7th-Jun-2008 11:44 pm - As expected...
together forever


As a 1930s wife, I am
Very Superior

Take the test!

23rd-May-2008 05:22 pm - Oh shit.
screw u
There are some days when I'm not proud of where I'm from.
13th-May-2008 03:46 pm - I'm sorry, I don't understand...
The following is an email that was sent from our Accounting Department to one of our customers.

"Hello Sandra,
Please open attachment and find your following invoice. Please let me know when I can be excepting payment. I appreciate your help. Thank you and make it a great day today!"

*headdesk* It's just so bad.
11th-May-2008 01:19 pm(no subject)
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My mom flaked on our Mother's Day plans. For some guy she just met.

I know I shouldn't be surprised. So I'm not.

But I'm still sad.
17th-Apr-2008 09:31 am(no subject)
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Upon arriving home last night, I spoke to my mom and found out that a very good family friend's baby has died. He was only 7 months old.

Alyson, at one point, was my mom's VP at the school she taught at. I babysat her two older kids for many years and they were absolute dolls. After Alyson's asshole husband decided to cheat on her with his station's secretary (he's a cop) she left him, moved and met a wonderful guy whom she has been married to for only a handful of years now. When she found out she was pregnant, she was overjoyed, as any expecting
mother should be. Her son was born in October.

On Tuesday, she dropped him off at the babysitter's house. He was put down for a nap and upon being checked on, it was discovered that he was not breathing. It took almost 40 minutes for the ambulance to get there and take him to the hospital. By the time Alyson and her husband arrived at the hospital, he'd already been pronounced dead.

Somewhere through the grapevine, they were informed that "pneumonia" was listed on the death certificate, although it may not be the actual COD. This seems nearly impossible, as they had just taken him to the doctor less than a week prior, where he'd gotten a chest x-ray. I believe pneumonia would have been caught then.

This is exactly the reason why I will be staying home with my children (when I have them). At least that way, if something happens to my child, I will know exactly what and will not have to rush to the hospital only to find that my son has been dead for almost an hour.

Life just isn't fair.
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